I'm Cold, Oddly Enough
Okay, I get it. It's winter. Winter is cold. At least it's not snowing, right? No, it's not right. If it's too cold to snow, then it's just plain too cold! I don't care if it's Canada and it's supposed to be cold, when it's so cold everything freezes, it's TOO cold.
Tired of all the stupid and supposedly funny comments people make when they come in from the cold? Even worse, have you ever been shocked to hear one come from your own mouth? The next time you walk into a room full of people who turn and look at you as if you might bring news of different weather than that which they themselves just experienced, try asking a question they don't usually hear. "How many layers did you wear today?" or "How many tissues did you use after you came inside?" Eww.
Here's my personal favourite: "What went numb on you?" You could make a game of it--see who had the most obscure body part go numb when they were out in the cold. I'll tell you mine: my butt. That's right, while walking the kids home from school the other day, I lost all contact with my butt. Yes it was covered, but that didn't appear to matter. The wind was at my back, and my legs were so cold they hurt, and my rear end just couldn't take it. Thermal pants. I need thermal pants.
Why, as experienced Canadians, do we continue to go out in the frigid weather wearing jeans? You'd think one of us would have come up with some sort of pants that look okay AND resist the wind. Instead, we head outside in denim or polyester or cotton that just soak up the cold and attach themselves to our legs. However, the only other option is to wear some giant snow suit and look like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man.
The other day, I had four shirts on. Yes, four...and I was inside!! The way I see it, I won't be warm until some time in late spring. Until then, I'll just try and have fun with the cold. Next time you're out for an extended period of time, strike up a conversation with someone. People look really funny when they're trying to talk with a frozen face. Plus, it's quite a challenge trying to form words when you can't feel your lips.
Also, I like to wear hats and mitts and put my hood up and all that stuff. I may look silly, but not half as silly as all those people who didn't want to look silly and went out with no hats or mitts and refuse to put up their hoods. Red ears are not a good look on anyone. Neither is standing there with your hands over your ears yelling to the person next to you, who also has their hands on their ears. Buy a hat.
I actually saw a grown woman pull her arms into her coat (you know, what we all did when we were kids) and then lift her coat from the inside to cover her ears. All that because she didn't want to wear mitts and didn't want to ruin her hair with a hat. Newsflash, the wind already ruined your hair...buy a hat, you look stupid. If you still insist on wearing no mitts, stick your hands in your pockets. Honestly, what kind of person walks around the frozen tundra of Canada with their arms in their coat--wearing running shoes, no less!! Seriously, how are you gonna break the fall when you slip on the ice? (No matter how many times you've seen someone go down, that just never gets old, does it?)
Still not having fun with the cold? Next time you see someone slip and then look around to see if anyone noticed, exclaim loudly, "Good save!" If you see someone fall (and they're not hurt, of course) simply call out, "Man down!" and carry on your way. If you see someone creeping along the ice in their running shoes (with their arms slightly out in the classic 'if I go slowly I won't fall' pose), walk swiftly by them in your ice gripping boots and say to yourself, "I love these boots."
You could also try throwing snowballs, but they're likely to contain ice, and no one seems to see the humour in getting nailed in the head with a chunk of ice. If all else fails, simply run and slide. That's all you need to make you smile...just run and slide.
Quote of the day:
"Yeah, I know. I look like a freak."
--Iggy Pop
I may look like a freak, but my ears are their normal colour and I know for certain that all my fingers and toes are present and accounted for.
Tired of all the stupid and supposedly funny comments people make when they come in from the cold? Even worse, have you ever been shocked to hear one come from your own mouth? The next time you walk into a room full of people who turn and look at you as if you might bring news of different weather than that which they themselves just experienced, try asking a question they don't usually hear. "How many layers did you wear today?" or "How many tissues did you use after you came inside?" Eww.
Here's my personal favourite: "What went numb on you?" You could make a game of it--see who had the most obscure body part go numb when they were out in the cold. I'll tell you mine: my butt. That's right, while walking the kids home from school the other day, I lost all contact with my butt. Yes it was covered, but that didn't appear to matter. The wind was at my back, and my legs were so cold they hurt, and my rear end just couldn't take it. Thermal pants. I need thermal pants.
Why, as experienced Canadians, do we continue to go out in the frigid weather wearing jeans? You'd think one of us would have come up with some sort of pants that look okay AND resist the wind. Instead, we head outside in denim or polyester or cotton that just soak up the cold and attach themselves to our legs. However, the only other option is to wear some giant snow suit and look like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man.
The other day, I had four shirts on. Yes, four...and I was inside!! The way I see it, I won't be warm until some time in late spring. Until then, I'll just try and have fun with the cold. Next time you're out for an extended period of time, strike up a conversation with someone. People look really funny when they're trying to talk with a frozen face. Plus, it's quite a challenge trying to form words when you can't feel your lips.
Also, I like to wear hats and mitts and put my hood up and all that stuff. I may look silly, but not half as silly as all those people who didn't want to look silly and went out with no hats or mitts and refuse to put up their hoods. Red ears are not a good look on anyone. Neither is standing there with your hands over your ears yelling to the person next to you, who also has their hands on their ears. Buy a hat.
I actually saw a grown woman pull her arms into her coat (you know, what we all did when we were kids) and then lift her coat from the inside to cover her ears. All that because she didn't want to wear mitts and didn't want to ruin her hair with a hat. Newsflash, the wind already ruined your hair...buy a hat, you look stupid. If you still insist on wearing no mitts, stick your hands in your pockets. Honestly, what kind of person walks around the frozen tundra of Canada with their arms in their coat--wearing running shoes, no less!! Seriously, how are you gonna break the fall when you slip on the ice? (No matter how many times you've seen someone go down, that just never gets old, does it?)
Still not having fun with the cold? Next time you see someone slip and then look around to see if anyone noticed, exclaim loudly, "Good save!" If you see someone fall (and they're not hurt, of course) simply call out, "Man down!" and carry on your way. If you see someone creeping along the ice in their running shoes (with their arms slightly out in the classic 'if I go slowly I won't fall' pose), walk swiftly by them in your ice gripping boots and say to yourself, "I love these boots."
You could also try throwing snowballs, but they're likely to contain ice, and no one seems to see the humour in getting nailed in the head with a chunk of ice. If all else fails, simply run and slide. That's all you need to make you smile...just run and slide.
Quote of the day:
"Yeah, I know. I look like a freak."
--Iggy Pop
I may look like a freak, but my ears are their normal colour and I know for certain that all my fingers and toes are present and accounted for.
posted by sarah at 12:49 PM
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